As I work on the book I’m writing, and the subsequent companion books that I envision will accompany it, I’ve had to dig really deep to define for myself what I think a Dragon Slayer is. I have to be able to define what a Dragon Slayer is to know whether or not I’m successful in my attempt to raise one. I’ve worked hard over the years to figure out what my core values are. What do I value? Who do I want to be remembered as? How will I conduct myself in different situations? Truth be told, it’s taken a lot of years to figure this out and start to cultivate these qualities I want to embody. My hope is that I can instill these values in my son from an early age so that he will have a different adult life than I’ve had. I hope in the end this makes things a little easier for him. I hope these qualities will help him build discipline, strength of character, confidence and a strong sense of self-worth.
- Integrity First and Always
I feel like the word integrity gets thrown around, but it seems the meaning has been changed and forgotten over the years. I remember when I first joined the military, they defined integrity as “doing the right thing even when nobody is watching”. That’s pretty profound if you think about it. The thing I think is really important to remember about integrity is this…. All the choices you make in private still have public consequences. People who conduct themselves with integrity are honest, have honor, and they have consistency in everything they do. Integrity is having and maintaining high moral and ethical standards. People with integrity value trust and they are always true to their word. Their actions always align with their personal values and principles. Habitually conducting yourself with integrity builds a reputation for being reliable and respectable. This will foster trust and openness with others. Most importantly, conducting yourself with integrity will build your self-confidence and sense of self-worth. It’s extremely difficult to have confidence when you know that you can’t be trusted. You won’t even trust yourself. It’s a slippery slope. I was talking to my son about this the other day after he finished an event at Civil Air Patrol. We were talking about shining boots of all things. Yes, I am old, I grew up in the era where we wore black boots and shined them daily. One of the Cadet leadership had commented on a few cadets’ boots that were not shined. They told them that if you let the little things slide, it’s easier to start letting the big things slide. Where do you draw the line? It’s easier to just know your convictions and stand by them.
2. Seek Continuous Growth
We live in an era where there is an abundance of knowledge readily available to us. It’s honestly a choice to be uninformed. A Dragon Slayer is committed to personal growth and lifelong learning. Part of lifelong learning is to actively seek new skills, experiences and knowledge. Personal growth is a continual process. Dragon Slayers aren’t afraid to step outside of their comfort zones and embrace new challenges. As Stephen McCranie said, “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” Personal growth comes in many forms. One could start by seeking mentorship from someone who is more experienced in whatever skill or topic you are studying. Growth can come from reading, taking classes or attending workshops. Learning new hobbies or skills is another way to facilitate growth. It’s important to continually challenge yourself. As you continue to push yourself to improve you will find that you become more resilient, adaptable and innovative. This will enable you to navigate our continually changing world. It’s important to realize that your personal commitment to growth will benefit you as well as the people around you.
3. Develop Self-Discipline
Self-discipline is a foundational habit that Dragon Slayers cultivate in every aspect of their life. It is imperative that you set clear and specific goals and then develop habits and routines to help you accomplish them. This starts with making sure you don’t sacrifice what you want long term for what you want in the moment. Self-discipline looks like creating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, which includes eating healthy, developing a sleep routine, and working out. My son and I have had many discussions about this over the years. He’s always had a routine, but as he got into the tween and early teen years, he started to fight the 9:00 PM bedtimes. He wanted to stay up and play video games with his friends, some who like to stay up all night and sleep all day. We continued to discuss the importance of sleep with him, and reminded him that 5:00 AM comes really early, especially if you don’t go to bed at a decent hour. It took some time, but he now recognizes the importance of taking care of his body. As a multi-sport athlete who is also required to work out/strength train/run/do agility work with his family, he has a good understanding of how sleep, nutrition and hydration impact how he feels, how he thinks and how he performs. Self-discipline also looks like being productive and advancing in school or your career. Stagnation is the enemy. Once you stop moving forward you start to degrade. Self-discipline also looks like managing your finances wisely. It’s important to have a budget and a plan, and to stick to both even when the newest, latest shiny thing hits the market. Once you master self-discipline, you develop the ability to remain focused and resilient even when you encounter setbacks or distractions. I feel like this is an important quality to develop early on with our kids, because teenagers can sometimes be impulsive and easily distracted. Helping your Dragon Slayer develop self-discipline early on can help them stay strong through the crazy of high school and their teen years.
4. Take Responsibility
It takes a lot of maturity and understanding to recognize the importance of taking responsibility for your actions and choices. Taking responsibility isn’t just admitting when you are wrong, though that’s a great first step. Learning how to own up to the consequences of your choices, and then working to make amends is every bit as important. A Dragon Slayer does not make excuses or blame others for their choices. They own their choices, face the challenges head-on, and use these experiences as an opportunity to learn and grow. Taking responsibility helps foster accountability and maturity which helps with individual growth. Taking responsibility for your choices and your actions will also help you to build your credibility and reputation with other people. This also breeds trust. Like I always tell my son, “own your $h*t”. There is very little that you could do that can’t be fixed. Don’t waste your time making excuses or blaming someone else. Understand what the problem is and look for solutions. Your time will be much better spent trying to move forward rather than spinning your wheels in a panic as you look for someone else to blame. People will respect and appreciate someone who can say, hey, yeah, I made a mistake. This is what happened, and this is how I plan to fix it.
5. Emotional Intelligence
Listen, long gone are the days where we pretend we don’t have feelings, bottle them all up, shove them down, and forget about them until they erupt like a volcano because you’re tired, burned out, and your shoelace came untied at the wrong time. Cultivating your emotional intelligence is important for building strong and meaningful relationships. As you develop self-awareness, you will begin to understand your emotions and recognize the impact they have on the people around you. It is important to effectively regulate your emotions, and to ensure that when you react to something your actions are both appropriate for the situation, and constructive. When you learn to empathize with other people you will be able to create a deeper connection with them. This will make it much easier to navigate through the complexities of social situations. Managing your emotional intelligence will lead to better communication, and better conflict resolution. You will be able to create an environment where respect and understanding can thrive.
6. Show Respect and Be Kind
Dragon Slayers treat everyone with respect. I’ve always told my son that we treat people as good as we are, not as bad as they are. Period. It doesn’t matter who they are, what job they hold, how they dress, what they believe, who they love, what their favorite color is, or anything else. Everyone is deserving of respect. Dragon Slayers know how to have difficult conversations. They listen attentively, value different beliefs and opinions (the world would be really boring if we were all the same!) and treat everyone with dignity. Every single person on this planet is inherently worthy, and it is imperative that we treat the people around us with grace, and kindness. Respect is earned through our actions; we cannot demand it and expect to be given respect. People who consistently show others respect tend to build strong and supportive networks in their personal and professional lives. I read a story the other day about a woman who was in the middle of a business conference. The two people who were presenting did not like this woman very much, and when the time came for them to offer thanks and accolades, they intentionally left her off their list. This woman just sat there silently and didn’t react to the disrespect. Another gentleman that worked with the group spoke up and mentioned that they forgot to include this woman and listed off some of her accomplishments. After the presentation was completed and everyone started to depart there were quite a few people who approached the woman and offered kind words and support. The presenters had made themselves look bad, and while it would have been easy for the woman to be mad or lash out, by remaining gracious she showed herself to be a woman of good character. Just because someone treats you poorly doesn’t mean you need to get in the mud with them. Treat people as good as you are, not as bad as they are.
7. Be A Leader
Being a leader is not simply holding a position of authority. Being a leader is about taking the initiative and inspiring other people. When you embrace being a leader you make decisions with confidence, you accept responsibility for your choices and actions, and you support and motivate the people around you to help them reach their highest potential. A true leader doesn’t even have to hold a position of authority. When you set a good example, demonstrate the good behaviors you would like to see in your work, school, team, whatever environment, then you are leading the people around you. When you conduct yourself with integrity, respect, and kindness you are positively contributing to your family, team, school, community, and/or workplace. This will create a better environment for everyone. This also helps others around you to strive to follow the ideals that you exemplify. Behavior is contagious, just like your attitude. If you are grumpy and miserable, and you cut corners, don’t show others respect, and just act miserable then the people around you are likely to follow suit. Don’t be that guy or girl. Leadership is a privilege not a right, go out there and earn it.
Is there anything you would add to this list? I would love to hear from you!! Please feel free to share this with anybody you think might benefit from it.